Have Your Way With Paper

o Why was the skeleton afraid to cross the road?
It had no guts...

o How do witches keep their hair in place while flying?
With scare spray...

o What did Dracula say when he kissed his vampire girlfriend?
Ouch...

o How do monsters tell their future?
They read their horrorscope...

o What do you get when you cross a werewolf and a vampire?
A fur coat that fangs around your neck...

o Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers?
No, they eat the fingers separately...

o Why don't skeletons ever go out on the town?
Because they don't have any body to go out with...

o What do ghosts add to their morning cereal?
Booberries...

o What do zombies like to eat at a cook out?
Halloweenies...

o What is a vampire's favorite sport?
Casketball...

o What is a vampire's favorite holiday?
Fangsgiving...

o Why did the vampire go to the orthodontist?
To improve his bite...

o What do you get when you cross a vampire and a snowman?
Frostbite...

o What does a ghost get when he falls and scrapes his knee?
A boo boo...

o Why do witches use brooms to fly on?
Because vacuum cleaners are too heavy...

o What is Dracula's favorite kind of coffee?
Decoffinated...

o What would a monster's psychiatrist be called?
Shrinkenstein...

o What is a baby ghost's favorite game?
Peekaboo...

o What did one ghost say to the other ghost?
"Do you believe in people?"

o What do you call someone who puts poison in a person's corn flakes?
A cereal killer...

o Why do mummies have trouble keeping friends?
They're too wrapped up in themselves...

o What kind of streets do zombies like the best?
Dead ends...

o What does the papa ghost say to his family when driving?
Fasten your sheet belts...

o What do ghouls eat for breakfast?
Ghost toasties with evaporated milk. (Thanks to Bobbi)

o What is a vampire's favorite mode of transportation?
A blood vessel...

o What is a ghost's favorite mode of transportation?
A scareplane...

o What type of dog do vampire's like the best?
Bloodhounds...

o What is a ghoul's favorite flavor?
Lemon-slime...

o What does a vampire never order at a restaurant?
A stake sandwich...

o What is a skeleton's favorite musical instrument?
A trombone...

o What do birds give out on Halloween night?
Tweets...

o Why do vampires need mouthwash?
They have bat breath...

o What's a vampire's favorite fast food?
A guy with very high blood pressure...

o Why did the Vampire subscribe to the Wall Street Journal?
heard it had great circulation...

o Why did the dyslexic vampire starve to death?
couldn't find any dloob...

o Did you hear about the cannibal who was expelled from school?
He was buttering up his teacher...

o What does a cannibal get when he comes home late for dinner?
The cold shoulder...

o What do you get when you goose a ghost?
A handful of sheet...
o What kind of car does a ghost drive?
A Boo-ick...

o What did the mother ghost say to her son?
Don't spook unless you are spooken to...

o What do ghosts use to wash their hair?
Sham-boo...

o Why did the ghost pick his nose?
Because he had boogers...

o What kind of pants do ghosts wear?
Boojeans...

o Why wasn't the vampire working?
He was on a coffinbreak...

o What do skeletons say before eating?
Bone Appétit...

o What does a child monster call his parents?
Mummy and Deady...

o Where do fasionable ghosts shop for sheets?
At bootiques...

o What ride do spirits like best at the amusement park?
The roller ghoster...

o What do you get when you cross a ghost with an owl?
Something that scares people and doesn't give a hoot...

o What fairy tale do ghosts like best?
Sleeping booty...

o What kind of spirits serve food on a plane?
Airline ghostesses...

o What kinds of ghosts haunt skyscrapers?
High spirits...

o Why did the skeleton climb a tree?
Because a dog was after its bones...

o How do you make a witch scratch?
Just take away the W...

o Where do ghosts go swimming?
The dead sea...

o Why was the witch's cat giggling?
Because it was a giggle puss...

o What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house?
Hope it's Halloween...

o What do you call a skeleton stone age family?
The Flintbones..

o What did the witch say to the midget vampire skeleton?
Bony little bloodsucker, aren't you?...

o What's the difference between a fisherman and a sick ghost?
One catches his dinner, the other one loses it...

o Did you hear about the new Dracula doll?
Wind it up and it bites Barbie on the neck...

o What did the t.v. news reporter say to the ghost?
Everyone dead! Boos at 11...

o What is a vampire's favorite ice cream flavor?
Veinilla...

o Why is a haunted handkerchief so scary?
Because it has boogers...

o What did the three vampires order at the bar?
Two bloods and a blood light...

o How did the priest make holy water?
He took some tap water and boiled the hell out of it...

o What do you give a vampire with a cold?
Coffindrops...

o What do you use to mend a jack-o-lantern?
A pumpkin patch...

o What kind of shoes do ghosts from Texas wear?
horror jokes Boots...

o Why did the Cyclops have to close his school?
He only had one pupil...

o Why isn't Dracula invited to many Halloween parties?
Because he's a pain in the neck...

o Who is a skeleton's favorite emperor?
Napoleon Boneaparte...

o Why did the vampires cancel their baseball game?
They couldn't find their bats...

o What do you get when you divide the circumference of a jack-o-lantern by its diameter?
Pumpkin pi...

o Which monster likes to fly kites in the rain?
Benjamin Franklinstein...

o What did the skeleton say to the bartender?
I'll have two beers and a mop...

o What did the mummy say to the detective?
Let's wrap this case up...

o Why was the witch kicked out of witching school?
Because she flunked spelling...

o When a witch lands after flying, where does she park?
The broom closet...

o Where was satan's son born ?
Deathlehem...